''You are, therefore I think''

(A short story)
Amar was turning the pages of a book. His eyes were fixed on the pages, but he was unable to read them, he was not interested in them, even he did not know what the name of the book was!! After turning all the pages, he threw it away. He picked up the remote and looked to the closed TV, but did not push the button to start it. He threw the remote on the table and laid down on the bed. ''What the hell I want?'' , he mumbled looking towards the ceiling fan. The words of Kopal, ''What is it in me being a Kathak Dancer that you find fascinating or interesting?'' were running deep in his mind with the fast speed of the running ceiling fan.
'Cogito ergo sum !!!.... Je pense, donc je suis !!! ....I think, therefore I am !!!... I am thinking, therefore I exist....What the hell she has put in my mind....!!! Renee Descartes ...!!! Kopal has captivated my mind, Oh! It is not good.....My mind is intoxicated badly....She is more powerful than the bottle of Vodka...Vodka! Vodka!! Let me have it...Cocktail of her words and Vodka !!! Yes, it will be great! ..., thinking all these things he turned his eyes to the freeze. He left his bed and went to it. After a little while, the full glass of Vodka was at his hand. He looked to it and mumbled, ''Colorless!...Vodka is a colorless drink...I am thinking of its color because I am!!....like I am thinking of her because I am!! I am thinking of her kathak dance because I am!!...Without self existence.., how can I think? Oh! Has she made me mad?'' He took the glass to his lips and had a gentle sip. He felt the intense test of Vodka and had a deep breath and again started mumbling, '' How can I feel the taste of Vodka without the help of my lips..?My lips is a part of my body...one of the fundamental sense organs of my body. Can I think about the test of Vodka without testing it!!....No..! I can think about it because I am!!. She is a kathak dancer..!!! She knows about all the emotions, she must be artful in her life...I can feel her existence and her words because I am...!! She is compelling me to think...to think about Descartes, about her Kathak dance...' . He gulped the whole Vodka of the glass and felt its warmness in his vain.
Now he turned to the kitchen, picked up an apple from a basket and looked to it. It was a fresh red apple. Vodka had stimulated his mind little. ''Eve ! You could not resist yourself to eat the apple from the Garden of Eden. It was the tree of knowledge of good and evil.... What is good and what is evil? Was God able to establish the concept of good and evil without thinking? He would think of them a lot before establishment. He thought because he was....!!My mind is a hell after taking Vodka. Let me have more...I will drink Vodka and will think of Kopal's words.
After a deep bite on the apple, he prepared his next glass and gulped it whole with one breathe. His white face turned into red and deep inside his mind the effect of Vodka was mingling with the effect of Kopal's words. He was going deep into himself, his own wonderful world was emerging before his eyes, all the forgotten characters were coming and disappearing like a running movie. He was unable to concentrate on them.
''You are unable to understand the heart of a woman,'' said Roma and disappeared.
''Your curly hair is amazing. I always love to play with it,'' said Revati, and he felt her playing fingers in his hair.
''Jail is the best school, my dear boy! It will teach you the art of living '', a hard voice of an old prisoner sounded in his ears, while he was sleeping among more than eighty prisoners in a big barrack.
''You are a little child and have come to this brothel ..!! It is not for you....Go away!!!'', the irritating face of a beautiful prostitute flashed.
'' I am fond of painting! I want to color the world.'', Kriti told in her musical voice and he felt the warmth of his breathe.
'Oh!! I was waiting for it for a long time...Just kiss me!! kiss me!! kiss me!!!', Said Gunjan, having her arms around his body.
His mind was taken up by all the characters. They had imprinted their existence on his mind. With the influence of Vodka, they had emerged on his mental screen...!!
''How are you, Amar? '' She felt Komal was standing before him.
''You are a myth or a reality?' he mumbled. 'Oh! I have drunk too much. ''
''You wanted to see me dancing?'', she asked softly.
''First tell me, you are a myth or a reality? I am unable to judge it....I know I have drunk too much.''
''I am the reflection of your imagination, I am the creation of your fantasy, I am the mixture of both myth and reality and from here you can realize the truth of 'Cogito ergo sum. You think about me, so I am here. It is equal to ''I think, therefore I am.''
''Oh! You are illusion! '' He said. ''Let me drink more. ''
''Do you think drinking will lead you anywhere?''
''I do not know. But I am not agree with Descartes.''
''But it is true that I am standing before you....You can see me like you see the sun or the moon....you can feel me like you feel fire, air and water...you can listen me like any music or sound.... You are thinking of me, therefore I am here .Would you like to see me dancing? I would love to dance for you, ''she spoke in her musical tone.
''Wait! ....Oh! I am out of my hand...the way of rational and scientific thinking has made my life hell....It has almost killed my emotional development and feeling....I hate my way to understand the world and cosmos...Through your dance, can you lead me in a world where I loose the capability of thinking ? I hate thinking.....I want to remain without thinking like an animal. It would be better, if I lost myself with your dance....Can you lead my soul with your dance?
She looked into his eyes, and he felt a strong unknown emotion was flowing in her alive speaking eyes. He was unable to understand the language of her eyes....but yes they were saying something. He was being hypnotized with the flowing message of her eyes... Her feet were in movement with the words Ta thei ta ta ta. He closed his eyes, but still he was able to see her mysterious eyes movement and flowing energy of her body, even he could see more clearly before than. He sank deep with her complete movement in an unknown mysterious world, forgetting his habitant. He was highly mesmerized by her energy and the depth.
''khatak !!!' The empty glass broke in his hand and cut his three fingers. He opened his eyes and looked to the flowing hot red blood. There was no music, no sound and no dance. Even Kopal did not exist there. Looking to the flowing blood from his fingers he mumbled, ''You are, therefore I think.''

--------------------------------The end---------------------------


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