Some pages of a torn- diary (part 4)

(by alok nandan, dedicated to a Nightingale)
25 April.
I am reading '' Ten days when the world shook'' by John Read. I am very much surprised to know that he was an American Journalist but was highly interested in Socialist Revolution all around the world. He was not only a reporter but a great revolutionary. This book depicts the real picture of all the groups of Russia, including Bolshevik. He was a dare devil journalist. I love his sprit. Someone has said about him ''If he were not a journalist, he would be a great novelist. And I do believe in his words. All young journalists must read this book. I am highly fascinated with his words and actions. Oh he died young, why? why?? why ??? Now I am thinking to read about all the revolutions of the world. From where I should starts?

26 April
I have joined the class, and teaching the students. I told him the whole story about my Delhi Journey, they enjoyed it a lot. I think that I am breaking the chain of their minds. Jean Jaqueas Russeau says, Man born free but every where he is in chain.'' I am trying my level best to break the chains. In fact I have started reading French Revolution of 1789. I have met Voltaire, Didrott, Robespeare, Mirrrabeu and many more. I love Bobeouf.
If you are young, do not jump deep into the French Revolution, it will catch your mind and you will be of no use. I have done this crime! I have done this crime!! and I have done this crime !!! To me, now articles of French Revolution are more interesting than the eyes of painter girl or black girl or any other girl. In fact I am highly fascinated to royal ladies like Mary Antoniot. What the hell my mind is functioning!

27 April
Am I converting into a revolutionary person? I have started evaluating all the things according to the revolutionary point of views. But my mind is not clear regarding, society and humanity. Social, political, economical, religious and cultural set-ups are unclear to me. Who will make my mind clear? Certainly books, books and more books.I will consume more and more revolutionary books. Let me find out them. Oh! I am mad behind the revolutionary books. Sometimes I think about the Delhi and the scene of the sleeping people with dogs and goats frustrate me. Certainly I don't want such India. I want neat, clean and strong India. How is it possible? At first I have to understand Indian. But how?

29 April
I am very much thankful to the younger of black girl who provides me the story of Spartcus. He was the first revolutionary who organized the salves and fought a brutal fight against the Roman Empire. I want to kiss the girl but she knows that some where I love her elder and she does not love me. No matter I will take an attempt, after all she understands me and my mind. Will she agree to give me a nice kiss? But I will tell her to wash her mouth first. My first kissing experience is not good. She is only thirteen years old, does she understand the dimension of a pleasant kiss? What the hell I am thinking!
Let me talk about Spartcus. I love her lady Varenia very much. Will I get a Varenia in my life? I love his lucky lady. I have to understand the Roman Empire and its slave system. India's ancient Varn system is similar to Roman's slave system ? I want to understand all the things. I have to read the religions of all the races, if I want to understand the origin of all the systems. It is a tough task but I will go ahead.

30 April
Today painter girl came to my Omen. She was looking beautiful. I laid down in her lap and she kissed me more and more. I was excited and lost my control but she stopped me saying, ''It is not good.'' I was furious and asked her to leave my Omen. I could see the tears in her big and beautiful eyes. She went away silently. I know I was cruel to her, but what could I do? I will ask for her forgiveness. Let me see what happens in this regard. I do not want to loose her. But why does she come to me when I am alone in my Omen? How can I control? After all I am a man? But still I accept it that I have insulted her.

1 May
May-day was being celebrated all around the city. I found out the story of May-day and got that it is related with America and American workers. I just went through the American Freedom Movement. America has an interesting story. I love George Washington and his struggle, but in American historical characters I love Abraham Lincon most. One of my friends provided me a poetry about Lincon. In which it was written that he became President of America when he was 65 years old. Before that he faced a difficult life, even his wife left him. He was a great personality and the nature had selected him for a great job, all the difficulties he had faced were just pre-determined by the nature. Hitler had calculated America in a scientific way. I will talk about it latter. I love the words of Jaffarson. Before death he has written his own epitome. He was great educationist.

3 May.
In a feet of frustration I proposed the black girl and as usual I was rejected. Shit! what I have done today ! Books are better than girls, at least its talk silently. I know, I know that my act is not good, after all she is my student. The painter girl is not coming to me. She is very angry. What should I do? Let me drink wine. But I have no money for drinking. Better I should read a good book, spiritual book. But I hate spiritualism. Spiritual emphasizes over feeling and some super-natural power. Is there any supernatural power? Or it is just an illusion? I know nothing about it. And whenever I try to know the truth, I feel myself nowhere.

5 May
Every morning a man comes to God Shiva's temple, and he prays more than two hours. His praying manner attracts me a lot. For last three years he is continue with his pray. I think faith is more powerful than scientific investigation. Scientific investigations only reveal the secrets of nature and its laws while faith is ultimate truth for a particular person or community. Both the strength and the weakness of Indian is faith. If one wants to understand India, one should understand the different faiths of its people. In this country everything is worshiped, both alive and non-alive objects. And people are not ready to arguments against there faiths. If one say anything against there faiths, they will listen seriously, but follow there own faiths. And this faith is source of life.

7 May
I have just finished ''Resurrection'' by Leo Tolostoy. It is a touching story. How the protagonist fights for his beloved who is arrested in a murder charge. When the protagonist meets her first time in his aunt home, he copulates with her. And after a long time he sees her in court, facing a murder charge. Now she is a prostitute. Oh ! I am very sad with the heroin of this novel. I think it is the best work of Leo Tolostoy. I have read ''War and Peace'' and all his dramas and stories but I like this novel most. One day I will write far better than Leo Tolostoy and create more wonderful characters with agony and happiness. But how? I have to read more and more, I will read, because I am born to lead my own era and no one can stop me to do so, no one means no one. And certainly I will not proclaim like Fredric Willhem Nietzshe, ''Day after tomorrow is mine.'' I will say , ''Today is mine and I will capture the tomorrow by dint of hard work.''

Today I went to collect some material about the old painter.And I am surprised to know that all the paintings and portraits hanging in the state legislative assembly have been made by him. Now he is too old to walk. But when I went there he welcomed me. He has lost all his teeth, and has some difficulty to pronounce the words. In spite of it I sat with him more than two hours. He told me all the stories of his youth, and really I enjoyed his stories. The name of the painter is Rada Mohan Sahaye. His son, too, is trying to be a painter, I saw his painting but he is not up to mark. Art is not like a wealth that can be inherited from father to son.
I am thinking very seriously to propose the black girl's younger. Let me do it, I don't want to think about its consequence.

Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.


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